Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
