I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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