I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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