i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
