So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
