Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so let's talk penis.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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