fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize