So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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