It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
