My hand turned me down
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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