Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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