I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
