I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize