Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
