So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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