So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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