An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
