He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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