I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
