OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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