dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
God, I missed his penis.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
