Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
