I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
