i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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