he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
