You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
