first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
