she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
