I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
