the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
