you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
