dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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