some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
