I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
