how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
