Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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