Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
