there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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