yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
