turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
