you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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