I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Houston, we have a squirter
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
