I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
