There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
