covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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