I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
