My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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