Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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