Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
