Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
