you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize