they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
