She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
