I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
