It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just saw a hot homeless man
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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