sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
