Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
