The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
