I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
