Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
