goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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