I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
