matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
