This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
