can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There's always time for handjobs
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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