she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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