dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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