So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
