She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
