I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
