An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
